This is the Life
by stacibful
Summary: Nick Miller didn't know how much being a father would change him. A series of one shots featuring Nick Miller as a daddy.
1. Chapter 1

Once again, I'm coming home from work in the middle of the night. When I had picked up some shifts at the bar during the week Jess wasn't thrilled about it but she didn't argue. She said she knew it made me happy and that her and the kids would adjust. Our kids are older now and sleep through the night so there shouldn't be much adjusting.

Although, Owen had been sneaking it our bed a lot lately. Owen is 4 now and still clings to Jess every chance he gets. At times I can't say I haven't felt a tinge of jealousy as he steals her hand from mine. I love our kids more than anything. For crying out loud I get to say I made children with the best girl in the word! How often do people get that? I just miss the times when it was just me and Jess. We didn't exactly wait to have kids, Kaydence sort of happened out of the blue. We both were nervous and scared but when Kaydence entered this world my own universe shifted. I had my girls now and nothing or no-one was going to hurt them. When Owen was born I could instantly see that shift in Jess's eyes. Now she had her boys, and I had my girls. We were an unstoppable force, a team...the four of us.

I walk over to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. I had realized shortly after the kids were born that Jess had something going when she said tea helped her relax. I made myself some tea with chamomile, and mint and whatever other fancy stuff was in it. I sat at the island on one of the stools looking around at the loft. I'm usually asleep at this hour and the place looks different as I scan the living room. Toys are strewn everywhere, blankets stretched out on the couch, fingerprints on the tv and sticky stuff on every surface. I laugh at the scene before me. Things changed in the blink of an eye it seems.

I finish my tea and head off to bed. I slowly open the door, stopping right before the spot where the hinges start to creak. As I emerge, I can see Jess's form in the moonlight, lying peacefully wrapped around my pillow. I lift the covers and crawl in next to her, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into my chest, replacing my pillow. She stirs and looks me in the eye.

"Hey baby, I missed you." She says groggily. It's my saving grace. Even after 11 years together she still misses me when I'm gone.

"I missed you too, now go back to sleep." I reply stealing a kiss from her lips.

She smiles and closes her eyes once more. I spend a few moments looking at her face, caressing the skin of her soft cheek.

"Daddy...daddy...daddy!" I'm woke with a panic, sitting straight up in my bed, scanning the room for the sound. I scan to my left and see the small shadow of a figure standing next to me. Oh...it's Owen.  
"What's up buddy" I rub my eyes to see him better. I didn't realize I fell asleep holding Jess. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah", I look at him and he starts crying. Immediately I know why. Lately when he's come in our room I shake my head and order him back to bed. This is our bed, and the one time I get Jess all to myself. He has to learn to sleep in his bed eventually. He looks at me with those big blue eyes that resemble his mother's and my heart drops in my chest. I hear Jess's words ringing in my ears. "He's just 4 Nick! He's not going to be little forever. Owen is our last kid and I want to enjoy every minute before he wants nothing to do with me."

"Hey don't cry, come here." I say to him lifting my blankets so he can climb in. He wraps his little arm around my side and snuggles his little chin into my chest. He smells of baby shampoo and lavender. I breathe him in, realizing that I haven't held him like this in a long time. With traveling and picking up a shift at the bar I haven't seen the kids as often as I'd like.

"I'm sorry I waked you up, Daddy. I had a bad dream and you weren't there. I missed you Daddy."

"Aww bud, I missed you too. I always do. And that dream wasn't real, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

I gently rub his back calming my little man down. I hear Jess stir behind me once more. "Owen, what are you doing in here. Nick is he okay?" Jess reaches over and rubs Owen's splash of brown hair.

"Yah he's fine, he missed me." I grin at her even though she can barely see it. For once the boy wanted me and not her. HAH!

"Of course he did, we all miss you."

Jess wraps her arms behind me, and fits her face into the concave between my shoulders. Tears start to prick my eyes suddenly as the weight of what I have hits me. I understand what Jess has been saying all along. My little man curled up wrapped in my arms, my wife snoring gently behind me and me smack dab in the middle with no space to sleep, burning up due to all of the body heat, and I don't care. I don't care if I get any sleep tonight because in this moment I'm satisfied with the love my family has for me. How did I get this lucky? I don't deserve Jess, or Kaydence or Owen. They're all too good for me but for right now I'll count my lucky stars that they love me back.

This is the life.


	2. Chapter 2

The day Jess told me she was pregnant was the scariest day of my life. I barely spoke to her for 3 days because I didn't know what to say. I did everything to avoid it. If we talked about it that made it real, and that meant I was going to be a dad. Yeah Jess and I had been married for a year but having kids had not crossed my mind yet. I was enjoying all of this time with a Jess. Having a kid meant my time with Jess was over. I remember my dad and mom fighting after Jamie was born. The yelling and screaming, throwing things at each other, my dad slamming the door as he left. I didn't want to be that person. Jess finally caught me one night at the bar as I was closing up.

"Hey honey." she said in a small quiet voice, walking into my office.

"Hey", I reply not looking up from my paperwork.

"Listen, you don't have to say anything, just listen to me please. I know you don't want this baby, I see that now. Please don't leave me because I'm pregnant. Nick, I love you and this baby will love you. I don't want to lose you."

I look up and see the redness in her eyes from crying. Does she really think I'd leave her? The realization hits me that I've been a pretty big dickhead lately. I left my wife to deal with this news all on her own while I wallowed in my own self pity. What a dick move .

I stand up, grab her by the hand and pull her down on my lap as I sit on the couch. She curls up in my arms and I can feel that she is just as scared as I am. I hold her and steal a few moments to smell her hair, and caress her back.

"Jess, I would never ever leave you. Do you understand? I'm never going anywhere. I'm so sorry that I ignored you. I didn't know what to say. I'm scared Jess. What if I'm just like my dad?"

"Nick, I won't let you be. You have my word. If you start to stumble I'll pull you right back up. I have your back remember? You're my best friend."

I know she's right. She wouldn't let me fall, she never has.

"So we're going to be parents huh?" I say to her, feeling the stupidest grin grow on my face.

"I guess so! You all in Mr. Miller?"

"I'm all in Mrs. Miller"

 **8 months later**

"Nick are you ready for this?"

"Uh, nope! But let's do this"

The doctors had decided to induce Jess on June 7th. Jess didn't have an easy pregnancy. For the last month she had been in labor on and off and the baby was measuring bigger than expected. Jess was showing to be a month ahead. Because the baby was bigger the doctor was concerned Jess wouldn't be able to deliver naturally and that was something Jess desperately wanted.

On our drive to the hospital Jess held my hand and I held hers, no going back now. The labor and delivery staff checked us in, put this weird strip on Jess's cervix to get labor started, then it was time to wait. Jess didn't start feeling contractions until the following morning when the doctors decided to give her Pitocin. I'd never seen Jess in so much pain. My wife was hurting and there was nothing I could do but tell her it would be okay. I held her hand, rubbed her back, hummed our favorite song to her, gave her ice, and touched her bare skin anywhere I could because she was "freezing to death". Jess at one point begged me to go get a doctor to get her an epidural.

"NICK! I need an epidural! NOW!" I looked between her and the door not knowing what to do. I didn't want to leave her but I was more scared of her than having a baby right now. "GO NICK!"

I finally found a nurse and she called the anesthesiologist to come in. Watching Jess get that big needled shoved into her back made me want to hurl all over the room but I held her hand and looked into her eyes, trying to steel myself. Once that epidural kicked in though I could see Jess visibly relax. The rest of our time was calm, and quiet besides a few tense faces Jess would make. I'd instantly grab her hand and watch her face until she relaxed.

When it was time to push I didn't know if I was going to pass out or jump out of my own skin. In a few minutes we'd have a baby. We had decided to not find out the gender so not only were we going to have a baby, we'd either have a son or a daughter. The thought had crossed my mind on whether I wanted a girl or a boy. I wanted a boy to try and have that father/son relationship I'd always wanted with my dad, but the thought of a little girl with Jess's dark curls and her bright blue eyes made me weak.

"It's time to push Mrs. Miller."

Standing by Jess's side I held her hand and looked deep into her eyes and she pushed with all of her might. How was her little body going to do this?

"Miller I hate you right now! Why did I let you put a baby in me? We're never having a sex again!"

"You say that now" I say as I lean down and kiss her forehead.

She giggles and pushes one more time. I looked down and see the beginnings of a head. All I can think of in that moment is motivating Jess to bring our kid into this world.

"Come on honey you got this. I can see our baby, they're almost here. I love you so much Jess."

She's nothing but focused on her job now. I look down again, afraid of what I'll see and I see the littlest face of our baby, all squished and purple.

"One more big push Mrs. Miller and you're done."

Jess gives one more push and out comes our baby in one quick movement. The next thing I hear is the baby crying, and Jess is crying.

"Congrats Mr. & Mrs. Miller it's a girl!"

I have a girl, we have a girl, we have a daughter! A daughter with a splash of Jess's black hair and my turtle face already. The doctor wraps our daughter into a blanket and hands her off to me. Her smell is intoxicating. In that moment I lean over to kiss her head, and place my finger into her hand. She grabs a hold of it and I know she has me hooked.

"Hey little lady. I'm your daddy. I'm going to be the best daddy I can be. I loved you as soon as I knew about you. I'll never let you down"

"Have you picked out a name?" the nurse asks me pulling me out of the moment with my daughter.

I look down at Jess and she smiles. "Yes, her name is Kaydence Neveah." Jess answers. We picked the name because we loved the sound of the name Kaydence and Neveah is heaven spelled backward. So her name literally meant "song from heaven". Which when I think about it, a song from heaven is what Jess has always been to me. I hand Kaydence off to Jess and look at my girls. My girls. I've never been one for emotions or feelings but, I can feel my heart explode looking at the two most beautiful things I have ever seen. I know this isn't going to be easy but this is the life I hadn't necessarily wanted but didn't know I needed.


End file.
